End of Our Second Trip

We just dropped off our son at the orphanage again. This Russian adoption process is insane, but it is what it is. And if you play your cards right, and respect Russian protocol and culture, all goes according to what you are told by those in the adoption agency. Some personalities to highlight, as Celia and I reflect on this second stay.

Ilya: He is your Russian connection here in Petro. Without him, you get no child. He is the one who greases the wheels of the adoption system, and I would say does it honestly. He is very much a business man in the sense that he is very responsible and concerned about his reputation as a professional. You might not think this about him by the way he dresses, however, we have never doubted his integrity. I am trying to convince myself he has a sense of humor. A few times, he laughed at his own comments, but never at our humorous attempts to break the tension associated with the adoption process. He did lighten up, though, last night when we and the Lentells went out to dinner at a Mexican Restaurant here in Petro. We saluted to our respective successful adoptions, and he clearly was pleased with how everything went in the process. Not because he was going to get paid, but because he genuinely felt Kirill and Nastia were going to good families. If you can ever imagine an English speaking Russian figure in a Robert Ludlum spy novel, it would be Ilya. He literally appears then disappears, only to report back later with updates and further instructions.

Alla: She is the very loving orphanage director who always seems to be at the orphanage!! She is always a pleasure to visit with. She loves Kirill to no end. We always felt that she liked us very much as adopting parents. She was also a very good source of information from Kirill about how he felt about being adopted by Celia and me and coming to America. This information was relayed to the social worker and others involved and eventually to the court. She was a strong ally in this whole adoption experience.

Nick: Our driver, looks to be about in his fifties, and spoke very little English. But very pleasant and understood well the words "bathroom" and "food". He also reminded me of a Ludlum character. He apparently likes Euro-techno music. We heard a lot of it in our 6 hour trip to Petro.

Natalia and Anastasia: Both very good translators who know their town of Petro very well.
Natalia is very seasoned as a translator because she had spent time in the U.S., majored in English at her university, and has a mother who taught English. She barely has an accent. She also seems to understand the American mindset very well. Natalia is very pleasant to work with, and interacts well with the children. She is very soft-spoken, but understood us very well, even when we used vernacular or slang terms. For $10/hour, I thought we got our money's worth with these two young ladies, both in their early twenties.

Child Welfare Social Worker: Our interaction with this tall, attractive, professional appearing woman in her thirties was limited to disclosure of Kirill's history and her appearance at court. She does a very nice job informing you of everything you need to know about your child and appears to have worked with Kirill on a number of occasions with respect to how he felt about being adopted. Because Russian are very superstitious, I suspect she did not want to get to know us on more than a professional level. We saw her twice during our visits here. Her job is very difficult as it often involves taking away parenteral rights.

The Ophanage Kids: We were able to see a lot of the as we picked up and dropped off Kirill numerous times in our two trips here. Some are not adoptable and are at the orphanage because their parents cannot afford to take care of them-but they have parents. Others are adoptable, and others are probably somewhere in between, perhaps part of Camp Hope 2009's group of adoptees. They are beautiful kids, always smiling and laughing. We spoke to Karina, one of the kids who knows Kirill well, but she is not adoptable. Her parents ostensibly are undergoing some financial hardship. She is delightful as are the others we ran into. She looks like a little gypsy girl with her beautiful darker colored skin and hair. She stands out in your average group of Russian kids, most of whom are blonde.

We leave Kirill again with a heavy heart. He was sad this time as we dropped him off because even though we told him we could not take him back with us this time, I think wishful thinking got the best of him. This time, he walked back to his room with a long, sad face. It was very hard to leave him this time. He knows, however, Celia will be back with his sister Danielle in two weeks.
In general, we did not have any unfavorable experiences here. Some interesting observation about the people and the system were noteworthy: It is a very maternal society in the sense that most professional positions, such as physician, judge, administrators, and the like are filled by women. Russians don't say excuse me when they want to pass or get by; however, they are not rude, either. They smile, but it's almost a bridled smile, as if not to be too friendly. But the few Russians we met that did speak enough English to help us were very nice. Most of women are generally thin, attractive, tall, and very fashionable. Men here tend to be a bit overweight, sport very short hair, and do not grow beards or other facial hair much at all. They also like dark colored clothing, and smoke more than the women do. However, the people we met and observed here walk far more than Americans do, and are far less overweight. Rarely did we see an obese person. Rarely did we see an overweight child. We did not see any obese children here. What we did see a lot of were liquor kiosks!!

It's Official!

It is indeed official: Kirill is now our son. But not until after what has been perhaps the most stressful day since we began this journey of a foreign adoption. Today we went to court and met with the judge, and state of Karelia prosecutor in a court session that lasted 4 hours. In attendance was also Kirill's social worker, Svetlana, orphanage director, Alla, and our translator Marina. Nobody smiled; it was all business, and Celia and I were grilled to no end seemingly. The grilling began with Celia then me, and involved many questions ranging from why a foreign adoption, why Kirill, why Russia; do we make enough money to afford Kirill; what about the recent case of the adopted Russian 2 year-old that died of heat stroke in a car in Virginia by a neglectful father, and many other legitimate questions, all intended to give us an opportunity to prove our worthiness as adopting parents of a Russian child. We were counseled the day before on what things to say and especially what not to say. What was abundantly clear was that there was no family of Kirill's left that could take care of him, either because of financial or health reasons, or both. To this day, nobody knows the whereabouts of his parents, Julia and Sergei. All attempts were made to place Kirill with Russian families in a foster care setting, but everyone agrees formal adoption is in Kirill's best interest.

The prosecutor was a thin, blond attractive woman in her early twenties, dressed in a military type uniform, and new at the job. She was very particular and was also upset about the fact that no Russian families existed that could adopt Kirill in the area. She grilled the orphanage director about how much she had tried to place Kirill with whatever family was left (and aunt and a grandmother. Both signed off formally on Kirill). The judge was also a woman, around in her 60s, and very stoic. She too was concerned about the lack of available Russian families able to adopt. Additional questions centered on how we plan to deal with a child that does not speak English, and how we parent in general. Lots of open-ended questions. Overall, there was a clear bias against Americans adopting Russian children, but this was tempered by the fact that we were very good candidates to adopt Kirill, and that adoption was in Kirill's best interest, even if it was by foreign parents. We recessed after giving closing arguments, and returned an hour later to receive the verdict, and it was as we had hoped: we were granted legal parenteral rights to Kirill. We then gave a small set of roses to the judge and the prosecutor, which is a customary gesture. Just before we left, the prosecutor came up to Celia and me and admonished that we take very good care of Kirill, because we are the only family he has now. She tried to talk to Kirill, but he did not pay much attention to her. I don't think he liked what she represented: someone who could argue against our petition.

After Kirill found out about the verdict, he smiled, hugged us, and said he was very happy with the news. We then went back to the hotel for a little while, and had a beer (Celia and I, of course)at the hotel lounge. He then talked to his "babooshka" Ruth in California and sister Danielle in Iowa by phone. Kirill's mood clearly changed. He began laughing more, and then began repeating more words in English. We then hooked up with Dave and Lisa Lentell and their Nastia, and had a very nice traditional Karelian dinner, during which Kirill and Nastia proceeded to go bonkers!! Lots of singing and giggling. I think Kirill was just relieved, but Nastia was probably expressing nervous energy, as the Lentells go to court tomorrow. Both kids are beautiful, full of life and promise. As damaged as they were in their earlier life, they have come a long way. This is a credit to the Karlelian orphanage system, child welfare system and Russian medical care, which has done a great job bringing Kirill, Nastia and others to such a highly functional level. Kirill is incredibly intelligent, warm and very, very patient. He has become very close to us during this short stay. At this moment, as I right this blog, he is sitting in bed with Celia and me, watching Russian television.

The Russian government is very upset over the fact that this Virginia father was acquitted from this case that took place last summer. However, from what Ilya told us, Russian perception of what goes on in the world is based on the Russian media, which at this time is fairly anti-American/Bush. So we endured this adoption process during a very charged political and emotional time. I suspect there will be some curtailing of adoption of Russian children by Americans in the coming years as a result of this case.

We leave Kirill again in two days, but Celia and our daughter Danielle return January 6th for a 3 week stay, partly in Petro and the rest in Moscow. I will join them in Moscow for 5 days. We bring him home for good on January 21st. It has been one of the most eventful days in our 13 years as a married couple, and well worth the effort involved in making Kirill our son.

Our Return to Petro; court date

Celia and I have been reinvited to Russia for Kirill's court date, scheduled 12/18/08. This will be our second of three trips to Russia, but a symbolic one. We will be preparing for our meeting with a Russian judge on 12/17, then to court on 12/18. Once the gavel hits the bench, Kirill will be legally our son, in the Russian law's eyes. We still don't understand just how much he knows about what is going on, but he is an amazingly patient boy. His orphanage director has been informing him of where we are all at in the adoption process. He tells us he wants to talk to Camille and Danielle just to say hello.

The upcoming trip is a relatively brief one, intended to make the legal process final. We then return in January for an extended visit, 60% of which is in Petrozovodsk, the remainder in Moscow. We are then all scheduled to come home from Moscow on 12/21/08, for good! Danielle our youngest who is 8, will be going for the entire 2 1/2 weeks with Celia in January. A great experience for everyone.